The pleasure and the rapture
by Shadow Of Castiel
Summary: Jimmy shows Castiel just what it feels like to be human. Rated M for adult content. Jimmy/Castiel


_This is my first Jimmy/Castiel story, inspired by a comment by Chikan666 on a previous fic of mine. I couldn't resist writing this one ... _

Jimmy stared at his face in the mirror, tired, pale, drawn, worn out from months of harboring an angel inside his body. Even though he'd readily agreed to becoming a vessel, had thought it an honor to be chosen to carry a gracious being such as an angel inside his own body, it still hurt. Every movement he made, every word he spoke was just another reminder of how hard he'd been ridden by a supposedly gentle life force, that had been anything but.

He felt dirty, unwashed, unloved, hungry, thirsty and he couldn't even remember the last time he'd masturbated. As far as he could tell, it was over a year ago. He looked down at his own body, naked, glistening with droplets of steam thrown out from the shower behind him, hot water rushing and gurgling down the plug-hole.

He turned, winced as muscles caught and dragged at the sudden movement and Jimmy reminded himself that he was no longer the Jimmy Novak he used to know. Instead he wasn't sure who he was, couldn't even remember what it was like to even be himself any more. Castiel had left a gaping hole deep inside Jimmy's body, had ripped his soul like flimsy fabric until there was only shreds of Jimmy left.

He sighed, shoulders slumping in weariness as he trailed over to the shower, feet dragging in tiredness, stomach hungry and complaining for food despite the large meal he'd had a few hours before. He rolled his eyes at his own hunger as his internal monologue started up once more - _that's what going without food for a year does to a man._

He shook his head, blanked his thoughts as he positioned his body beneath the rushing water, let the droplets massage his weary muscles, shimmer across unwashed skin. He sighed, allowed himself a satisfied smile as he felt dirt that not even the strongest angel mojo could properly clean from vessel's skin. He chuckled, thinking of his old job selling ad time for a radio station back in Pontiac.

"Sounded almost like an advertisement there, Jim," he murmured to himself, lathering soap over his abdomen, sighing against the cleansing feel of suds against his body.

He'd forgotten how it felt to feel clean, the simple pleasures of washing his own body, of feeling full, sated, pleasured, loved. When Castiel had been in full control, all he'd felt was the tight control of an alien mind, the coldness of a being that wasn't him, the total other-worldliness and alien being that was possessing him. Even after harboring Castiel for a year, he still didn't understand him, his motives, yet still he was in awe of him, if not in awe of God any more.

He turned, let the water cascade and play over his back, sighed again as he lathered shampoo through his short, dark hair. He hummed tunelessly, surprised at the lighter tones coming from his own mouth. He was, after all, used to hearing the gruffer tones of Castiel speaking, rather than his own Pontiac accent.

"Guess it's gonna take me some time to get used to being me again," Jimmy murmured to himself, with a shrug.

What choice did he have? He didn't know when Castiel was coming back, or if he even ever would. He didn't know where Castiel had gone, or why. That part of his memory was a complete blank, other than brief flashes of light, the sensation of fighting, the spatter of blood - his blood - against the ground and daubed on the walls in Enochian sigils.

He shook his head, tried not to think of Castiel's last moments inside his body, tried to think of Amelia and Claire instead, his family. Outside the bathroom, he heard Dean and Sam's low voices as they talked, further reminding Jimmy of what they'd said before, of how Jimmy could never go home again.

He pictured his wife's face, tried to feel some attachment there, some love but found any emotion hard to muster. His eyes flew open in alarm. Suddenly he felt more like Castiel, his emotionless state seeping through him once again and claiming Jimmy for his own again.

"Castiel?" Jimmy asked, wondering if the angel was returning once again, but the feeling passed.

Jimmy was alone again in his own body, left to his own thoughts and emotions once more. His brow furrowed in almost sadness. He missed Castiel despite all the trials the angel had put his body through; with Castiel there, he felt like he'd had a purpose, a reason to live, to be, like he was doing something good for the world. Now he was back to being Jimmy Novak once again.

He tried to think of Amelia's face again, tried to focus on his wife, but found it almost impossible. He frowned, hands slowing to a stop and resting on his head, fingers laced through his hair mid swipe. Something was wrong.

He looked down, saw his own erection begging assistance, yet he hadn't even been thinking anything in particular, other than thoughts of Castiel.

"Oh great, I'm going gay for an angel," Jimmy snorted, rolling his eyes, even though he knew that that wasn't the reason.

Once again, he heard Dean's voice outside, louder now, saying something about pie to his brother in the other room. Once again, Castiel's presence flittered through him, reacting to Dean's voice and trying to gain access to Jimmy's body once again. Jimmy opened himself up to the angel, tried to entice him back in because he felt right then that there was nothing left for him anymore, but it seemed as though there was something pulling Castiel back, and holding him there against his will.

"Cas?" Jimmy murmured, even as Dean shouted for Jimmy outside.

"Yeah?" Jimmy asked, as he leant his head from the shower stall in order to better hear the older Winchester over the incessant pounding of the water.

"You want anything else to eat? I'm getting pie," Dean yelled through the wooden obstruction of the door.

"Yeah," Jimmy yelled back. "Bring me some pie, too. Pie is good."

"You hear that, Sammy? Pie is good! The man talks sense - more sense than you, at any rate," Dean chuckled to his brother, voice quieter now as he turned away from the door.

Jimmy smiled despite himself; he liked Dean, trusted him, knew that Dean was a good man, worthy of respect. Jimmy wasn't too certain of Sam's motives, could still remember Castiel calling the younger Winchester "the boy with the demon blood" back when the angel had first met him. He remembered Castiel's mistrust of Sam, of needing to stop Sam from whatever path the younger hunter was determined to travel. Jimmy racked his brains, tried to remember why Castiel was wary of Sam, but couldn't quite recall. Just like a lot of things to do with Castiel, he couldn't quite remember and the most important details were hazy.

He heard Dean's heavy boots tramp away from the door, leaving Jimmy alone with the steam and the water rushing from the shower head above him. Jimmy suddenly felt lonely, more alone than he had in a long time, even when he was locked down tight in his own body where no one could see or hear him, held captive by an angelic prison guard.

He almost called out, tried to call Dean back, to keep him company, but felt embarrassed to. He didn't know how Dean would react with the thought of essentially holding his hand when he was scared. He didn't think that Sam would stay with him. The younger Winchester had been nothing but cold and distant with him, ever since Jimmy had arrived.

Instead, Jimmy turned away, returned to washing himself clean of dirt and his own sins, distracted by his own erection all over again. He felt the wash of Castiel rush through him, trying to regain possession of Jimmy's body, and once again, Jimmy opened himself up to the angelic onslaught. He felt cool fingers manipulate his flesh, felt red hot wings flap through his body, before Castiel ghosted away again, pulled back by divine intervention once more.

Jimmy sighed, shoulders slumped, mind filled with thoughts of Dean once again. He blinked, frown working his brows closer together in sudden confusion, swiftly erased by a dawning realization. Castiel loved Dean, wanted the hunter and had designs on his body and mind.

Jimmy suddenly chuckled to himself. All that time and he'd never known that Castiel was in love with Dean. He looked down at his own erection and chuckled again.

"You sly dog, Castiel," he murmured, highly amused that Castiel still had control over Jimmy's body even when the angel wasn't properly there.

He looked around the room furtively, even though he knew that he was alone in the steamy bathroom, a slight smile lifting the corners of his full lips as a chuckle started in his chest once more.

"Cas. Hey, Cas, if you're still there, I know something that will really make you feel good," he murmured, somehow knew that Castiel had heard him, even from wherever it was Castiel had disappeared to.

Jimmy felt the cool touch of Castiel seep through his system once more, tentative, questioning, as though the angel was wondering what Jimmy had meant by his words.

"You ever think of masturbating, Cas?" Jimmy whispered, feeling slightly stupid for talking to no one but himself.

He felt a spark of interest flare up inside him, as though Castiel was demanding Jimmy show him what he meant, what it felt like. Jimmy was certain that Castiel knew of the mechanics of pleasuring the human body, but would not know what it felt like first hand, never having had the chance to even think of things like that before.

"You like Dean, huh, Cas? You have feelings for him, is what I mean," Jimmy whispered to the presence of Castiel now growing stronger inside him, more interested the longer Jimmy talked.

When Castiel didn't deny having feelings for Dean, Jimmy grinned.

"I'll take that as a yes, then," he murmured, before his fingers wrapped around his own cock experimentally.

A shiver of anticipation ratcheted through him, and Jimmy wondered then how much came from Castiel, and how much came from himself. Sometimes it was hard to tell, hard to separate himself from the angelic essence filtering through his system, growing stronger and more insistent by the second. Jimmy pushed back, tried to take control of his own body again, knew that if he let Castiel in too far, he wouldn't be able to pleasure himself the way he wanted, or to pleasure Castiel in turn.

"Cas, you gotta let me do this, okay? I need this as much as you do," Jimmy murmured, leaning his head against the cool, unforgiving tiles at his back, eyes closed as he started to stroke himself gently.

He let Castiel filter through his mind, let him take over his thoughts for a short while and he smiled. He saw Dean as Castiel saw him; a beacon of strength, unquestionable purity despite Dean's protestations otherwise, loyalty and impossible beauty that was devastating to the angel. Only now could Jimmy see the true depth of Castiel's feelings for Dean, knew that the angel truly was in love with the hunter and thought more of him than as simply being a human charge to guide through life's battlefield.

Jimmy's head, shoulders sagged beneath the onslaught, surrendered to it and let Castiel's emotions wash through him like they were his own. In a way, they were; Jimmy had long since lost track of who was Castiel and who was Jimmy. The boundary lines between them were long since blurred into something unrecognisable.

He started stroking himself, hips moving in time with his pleasuring hand, mouth agape wide enough to let water trickle into his mouth in a near constant stream. Jimmy felt Castiel crash through him, studying every last emotion that coursed through Jimmy's body; the pleasure, the rapture, the guilt, the undeniable ecstasy of finally knowing what it felt like to blow off some emotional steam that had long since gone unheeded for months. Castiel's thoughts of Dean, his green eyes, his athletic build, his genuine desire to save people and the way he looked at Castiel with that special glance that spoke depths to Castiel and only Castiel. Jimmy tried to stifle his cries by stuffing his fist against his mouth, pressing so hard he was frightened that he would draw blood, but doing it anyway. Even the pain was better than letting Sam, and possibly the soon returning Dean, know what he was doing in the shower.

He felt his orgasm pool in his abdomen, scream though his body in intense waves of pleasure. He didn't try to fight it, wanted Castiel to feel human emotions at full force and let him have it. He came over his hand, across the shower stall wall before him, a cry of release smashed tight against his fist still held against his lips.

Jimmy felt Castiel's euphoria wash through him, the utter astonishment over the depth of human emotions, the sated release that was so similar to Jimmy's own, but far stronger. Jimmy felt Castiel leave silently, his angelic presence slowly fading away into oblivion, but not without a goodbye of sorts, a thank you and a promise to return soon.

Jimmy knew that Castiel would keep his promise, if not for himself than for Dean. He'd glimpsed how Castiel felt, knew that nothing would keep him from Dean's side. He also realized that Castiel wanted more pleasure, wanted Dean to pleasure him, to do what Jimmy had done to his own body if possible, to have Dean love him in return.

"He does, Cas," Jimmy murmured with sudden certainty. "I think he does."

He felt a smile from Castiel, a wash of gratitude for confirming something for the angel, before he finally left. Jimmy missed his presence, felt suddenly flat and lifeless without him. He sagged against the tiled wall of the shower stall, wondered where he was supposed to go from here until Castiel returned.

He was still staring blandly into space when Dean returned, the enticing smell of freshly baked pie reaching even into the bathroom, pulling Jimmy from his soulless thoughts. He stirred, pulled himself from the shower after switching the faucet all the way off, towelled his water wrinkled skin dry with a thin towel, before returning into the main room with a smile.

He grinned broader still when he saw Dean, knew that the hunter had a surprise when Castiel returned; he knew though that Dean would not say no to Castiel's advances, judging by the hunter's glances stolen when he thought Jimmy wasn't looking. Castiel may previously have been oblivious to the admiring glances, but Jimmy had had a backseat view after all. He suddenly remembered the glances from the corner of Dean's eye, the intense, longing stares, the stolen glances from beneath long eyelashes.

Jimmy turned away to hide his chuckle, got dressed, thinking all the while that Dean had it bad for Castiel, almost as bad as Castiel had it for him.

"Hey, Jimmy, you good?" Dean asked, as he handed the other man a slice of pie.

"Yeah, I'm good," Jimmy replied, as he sat down to eat his pie. "Thanks for the pie."

Dean nodded, remained silent as his mouth wrapped around his own portion of pie, eyes closing around the sweet pastry appreciatively. Jimmy watched him, could almost see what Castiel saw in him, looked away before Dean's eyes opened once more. He knew that if, or rather when, anything happened between Dean and Castiel, Jimmy wouldn't stand in their way to stop the pairing. His body had needs as well, needs which wouldn't and couldn't be met by his wife back home any more.

He tried to put his past out of his mind, with a struggle, tried to think of his future instead. With the imminent return of Castiel sometime soon, Jimmy was surprised to find his outlook on the future wasn't quite as bleak as he would have imagined. He knew that Dean would only add to that, in his own special way.

What was good for Castiel, would be good for Jimmy too, Jimmy thought ....

**_-fini-_**


End file.
